I need one of these.
This year has been tough on my kids – both have them have been the target of schoolyard
cowardly little shits bullies. I have then had to deal with school administration, teachers and completely un-self-aware parents. It’s been trying and exhausting for everyone and I’m done. Done like dinner. My husband doesn’t even say hello to me when he comes home now – he just pours me a glass of wine and sits down to hear the latest drama.
Let me be clear here – my kids aren’t angels. They have said and done some pretty stupid things and they have worn the consequences. But they are not mean and they do not lie, but unfortunately not everyone lives by those rules.
Anyway I decided to write a letter to the moms of those bullies. If I could speak freely without fear of repercussion for my kids, this is what I’d say.
Dear Other Mom,
Your kid is a bully.
Your kid has a problem with telling the truth and everyone knows it and she doesn’t care who she hurts. But she is sweet as pie when she needs to be and manages to fool the people that she knows can protect her from the reality of her actions.
I’m sure this isn’t the first time you’ve heard from an exasperated parent. Your kid has a terrible reputation with other kids and yet you continue to believe that everyone else is the problem. When so many parents/teachers/kids are pointing fingers in your kid’s direction…it’s time to take a reality pill. Your spawn IS the problem. When the drama and arguments are a regular occurrence in your kid’s life, it’s time to think that just maybe she is the cause. And I know this to be true because when she is away from school, it’s a happy day for everyone.
Your kid has serious control issues; she needs to be in charge of everything and when she isn’t, she lashes out. And she continues to try to control other kids…pitting them against each other with blatant lies. Why is that? Is her home life out of control? Are you going through tough times in your house and she’s acting out? If so, I empathize, but all I ask is that you deal with it. But she needs to know that lying destroys reputations and friendships. That’s what she wants. She doesn’t want her friends to have other friendships that don’t involve her. If all the other kids hate each other because of her lies, then they have nowhere to turn but to her. But I guess she probably knows that no one would be her friend if given the choice. I just wonder how she sleeps at night knowing that she causes mistrust and discord between friends simply by telling a lie? Does she know what kind of damage she does? Maybe you should tell her.
And what lesson do you think you’re teaching your kid when you believe everything she says…regardless of how ridiculous and implausible the story? And when the lie starts to fall apart, you still believe her. Why? Are you that scared of damaging your little princess’s self-esteem that you validate every stupid story she tells you? Because when you validate her lies, they are reinforced. She thinks if mommy believes this shit, then it must be true and if it’s true, I’m going to tell anyone who will listen and they’ll believe it too. Do you not realize how this damages other kids – their relationships with each other, parents and teachers? I suppose the only solace here is knowing the other kids will eventually compare stories and expose the lies. So when this happens (and it will) and she comes running to you to tell you how mean everyone is being to her, do the rest of us a favour and tell her about karma.
Do you know that other kids are afraid to stand up to her? I can’t count the number of times that my girls have said “It’s easier to just be nice and try to get along with her. If she’s mad at me, it’s awful.” Yup. That’s the definition of a bully. It’s my way or you’ll pay. Other kids have all been her target at one point or another and now know to just stay under the radar. My kid has made the mistake of standing up to your kid, but she learned her lesson. Now I’m sad to say that she is scared to stand up for herself or for whomever the latest target is because she doesn’t want your daughter to set her sights back on her. Are you scared of her too? Are you scared of her emotional blackmail if you call bullshit? I would deal with that now.
And I’ve seen your kid at work in my house – bossy, lazy, manipulative, and then sickly sweet to my face. I’ve heard her working my kids over when she thinks I can’t hear. For the most part I leave the kids alone to deal with it but at times it’s really difficult. I want to toss her out on her ass…but I know that will only cause problems for my kid at school the next day, so I put up with her. I guess that means she has bullied me too. But I can say that your kid is no longer welcome in our house…unless she shows up at my door to apologize.
Do I sound harsh and bitter? I am. And I’m not sorry for anything I have said. Your kid has been the cause of so many tears in my house that I don’t care if I have hurt your feelings – you need to hear this. It’s time you wear some of the pain your kid has caused. I know this may all come as a surprise to you because your kid tells you that other kids are being mean when in reality it’s bullshit…and I know this because I have been on the receiving end of your accusations. Next time, get your facts straight before trying to lay blame. One thing I have learned about bullies is that they can dish it but they can’t take it; at the first sign of their victims fighting back, they run crying to their mommies. Good luck with that.
One tired mom